Orange Juice: The Outtakes
by acollectionoffavoritequotes
Summary: The continuing fluff/crack of Joker/Batman. Slash.
1. The Great Car Adventure

**Okay, so they (and Fluffy2044) wouldn't leave me alone. But I like the fic the way it is, so... out takes! Or something. Set sometime in the middle of the fic.**

* * *

It was one of those nights.

As Batman, he figured he'd have many nights like this, and he had. But the Batmoblie being stolen on top of everything else (at least he'd gotten Two-Face back into Arkham) was just too much.

Sighing, he flipped out one of his many gadgets, tracking the Batmoblie's signal to the outskirts of Gotham.

"What. The hell," he said, swooping down to land mere feet away from where the Joker was leaning against his car.

"Sweetie!" the Joker exclaimed, clinging to Batman as soon as he got close enough. "I haven't seen in forever!"

"That's because I was busy throwing your friends back into jail," Batman ground out.

"Well, yes," the Joker agreed. "But don't you have any time for mmmeee?"

"No."

Pouting, the Joker drew back. "How mean of you."

"I'm Batman," Batman said. "I'm supposed to be mean. And scary."

The Joker giggled.

Batman blinked a few times behind the mask. "I don't scare you anymore do I?"

"Honey, that's because I sleep with you ever night," the Joker giggled, drawing a finger down the chest of the amour.

"So why did you steal my car?"

Rolling his eyes, the Joker leaned his whole weight against Batman. "You were igggnooorrring me. What else was I supposed to do to get your attention? In times past when I broke out I'd be your number one priority."

Almost fondly, Batman wrapped his arms around the Joker. "Because you were dangerous. You promised me you wouldn't hurt people anymore. I wish I could have all the time in the world to spend with you and Alfred and Dick and Tim, and be with the people I … care about. But I swore to protect this city and those trying to harm it take that priority. So if you really want that…"

"I'd have to give up this," the Joker finished. "I know and I won't. I told you, that all got so borrring. But I do miss some things about those days."

Now the Batman was smiling fondly. "Can I have my car back now?"

"Nope!" and like that the smile was gone.

"What do you mean, no?" Batman demanded.

"I stole your car so you'd pay attention to me. Two-Face put away?"

"Yes."

"Any other big bads out?"

"Well, no, but that's not the point, there are other criminals that need catching and—"

"You'll get your car back after you've had sex with me. Preferably in it."

Batman paused and then slowly grinned. He pushed at the Joker until he hit the car. "I think the outside of it will be much more… comfortable."

"I can live with that," the Joker grinned.

* * *

**Then Dick and Tim walk by XD. "Just look away Tim, just look away!" I'm going to sleep now... **


	2. The Case of the Slippers

**Hoo-Kay, so, I haven't really written anything for a while. At least not for this fandom on this site. -.- I can't even say if more will be coming for not.**

* * *

Bruce stretched out on the bed, feeling well rested for the first time in a while. He felt the bed shift as the Joker moved in his sleep on the other side.

Rolling over so he wouldn't disturb the other, he found his eyes drifting toward the edge of the bed and then to the ground.

Sitting there, quite contently, where a pair of Batman slippers. Insanely fluffy Batman slippers.

Bruce blinked at them. He turned his head to look over at his lover and back at the slippers. He had known of course that there was Batman merchandise out there (his own family had bought quite a bit of it, from Barbara's plush toys to Dick's boxers) but it was quite another thing to find out his slightly obsessive lover had a pair of slippers based off him. He just couldn't decide if he found it endearing or creepy.

Finally, he settled for shaking his head and getting out of bed. He stepped around the slippers very carefully on his way to the shower.


	3. The Strange Affair of the Sheets

**For Fluffy2044. Who has not been having the best day. **

* * *

The slippers had been one thing.

But when Bruce strolled into his bed room that evening, he stopped short and stared. Ever so slowly, he backed out of the room and went looking for Alfred, who thankfully always seemed to know when he was needed and appeared within a few moments.

"Yes?" he asked calmly.

"Alfred, why are there *batman* sheets on *my* bed?"

"I believe because your lover put them there."

Bruce blinked. "You're joking."

Alfred gave him a level look full of stern disapproval. "Excuse me sir," he said rather stiffly. "I do not joke about matters of the house."

"And do you approve of these… sheets?"

"I never said that sir."

"Well can you take them off?"

Again, Alfred gave him a level look. "I think it would be wiser to discuss that with the man who put them there. Or, I must say, is unpredictable at best, and might not take kindly to them being gone without him being consulted."

Bruce sighed. "Can you not be right sometime?"

Alfred's eyebrow rose. "I doubt it."

Sighing again, Bruce started back up the stairs.

"Are there any guest bedrooms prepared I can nap in so I don't have to deal with… the issue?"

"Of course there are, sir."

"Lovely."

* * *

**Back in the Orange Juice story I got a review from "Laughter" who asked me some questions. One was if Tim really wanted to go out on a date with Dick. Let me put it this way: I pair Dick with pretty much _everyone_. Except Barbara, because that ship has sailed. And some kinda creepy people. But, I will probably pair him with pretty much everyone at least once. So yeah, sure. And then she asked about the age of the Joker and Batman and wondered if this was about two old guys getting it on. Well, Bruce is by this point at least in his 40s (the Joker could be younger or older) but he took in Dick when he was either 9 or 12, and he was in his 30s, or late 20s. Dick is now somewhere between 23 and 27. So... they're not young like the Dark Knight movie. They are middle aged. It happens. **

**So anyway, I hope that answers their questions, and I may be back with more... or there may be many, many months before I see you all again. No promises. Sorry.**


	4. The Misadventure of the Elevator

**Right, this took me a ridiculous amount of time to write.  
**

* * *

Bruce sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. All he really wanted to do was collapse at home, but there was still the damn drive home to get through first. He wished he'd installed an auto-drive in his normal car as well as the Batmobile.

Another sigh escaped him just as the lights went out and the elevator ground to a stop. Tensing, he was just about to pull out the paneling and rewire the entire thing himself, when he heard a scraping sound come from above.

He fell into a crouch when the top of the elevator opened and had a batarang in hand as the Joker leapt down into the small space with him.

"What the hell is going on?" Bruce demanded, straightening and glaring at his lover.

"I took down the buildings system and came to spend time with you!" the Joker spread his hands out, and if his face hadn't already been plastered into a grin, he would have been smiling ear to ear with the idea.

Bruce blinked at him for a moment. "We're thirty some stories above the city, in a glass elevator, and I was on my way home and—"

"But this is more romantic," the Joker pouted.

Bruce rubbed a hand over his face. "You need serious help."

"But you love me for that don't you? Or in spite of. Or just because you're a crazy bat, or because you can, or because I can or…" Throughout his speech, the Joker had been slinking closer until he was centimeters from Bruce's chest.

"Would you shut up?" Bruce asked. "I'm tired. I want to go hom—" The Joker launched himself the last distance and wrapped himself around Bruce.

"Go home later."

Bruce's head thudded back against the glass wall. "You can't be serious," he tried one more time.

"When am I ever not serious?" the Joker nuzzled against Bruce's neck, who signed one more time.

Alfred could feel the plate slipping from his fingers but was unable to stop it in time.

"_Breaking News! Wayne Industries has lost power! The entire building has been shut down and it looks like someone is still trapped in the elevator on its way down! No, wait, it looks like it's two people! Our helicopter is trying to get closer to get you the latest breaking news… We're starting to be able to see the features of the trapped people… why, it looks like Bruce Wayne himself is in there! And the other is… Oh my god! The Joker is in there with him! Ohmigawd, what is going to happen to Gotham's favorite son? Where is Batman in our time of need? Oh my god, should we stop broadcasting live? This could get really ugly if Batman doesn't show up in time to save the day…" _The reporter stopped dead after a minute. _"Maybe we should stop broadcasting live anyway,"_ she squeaked, as the camera close up showed the Joker shoving Bruce Wayne into the wall of the glass elevator where he proceeded to molest the other, sticking his hands up his shirt and his tongue into his mouth. Bruce didn't seem to be protesting.

Alfred calmly called up Dick and told him to keep Tim away from the TV as much as possible that night. As it was their movie night, he hoped they wouldn't ever actually turn the cable on, but stick to prerecorded videos.

"What's that light," Bruce moaned when the Joker finally gave him a chance to get his breath.

"Oh, that seems to be the news helicopter. Looks like they're filming," the Joker said, pausing long enough to look around Bruce's body.

"WHAT?" the other hollered. "They're filming this?"

"It does look like it," the Joker's grin actually became bigger. "We're on live television Bats, and this time you're at my mercy, not the other way around," he ran his tongue along Bruce's throat.

Bruce slugged him over the head.

Moments later Batman deposited the Joker in front of Arkham. Gordon stood there waiting for him. "I'm surprised the news didn't get you this time," he said. "Last I saw it was Bruce Wayne going at him. Where is Wayne anyway?"

"I dropped him back off at the manor. He's sleeping," Batman growled and wished it were true. "He's recovering from the antidote to the Joker poison."

Gordon nodded. "Is it just me, or is he not as threatening as he used to be?" he asked, looking out after the Joker as he was dragged away. "He just, he does crazy stuff, like that stunt with stealing all the flowers in Gotham or the time he stole the entire stock of chocolate out of that one store. But he's not killing people anymore. Even with Wayne, it looked like the guy stood a chance against him tonight."

Batman shrugged. "People change."

"Yeah, but people like him?"

Batman shrugged again. "Why not?"

When he finally got home, Bruce was greeted by Alfred, who looked a little frazzled around the edges. "How many stations is it running on?" he asked.

"All of them," Alfred replied.

Bruce swore on his way up the stairs only to find the Joker waiting for him at the top. "That didn't take long," he said, looking the other up and down. "I know I got distracted by Killer Croc and all, but still. At least pretend they have a chance of keeping you locked up."

"But," the Joker purred. "We didn't have a chance to finish what we started, and I am so inpatient."

Bruce snorted. "I will give you that."

The Joker grabbed him by the front of his robe and dragged him into the bedroom.


End file.
